Somehow, Glamour magazine gets delivered to my door every month. I’m not sure how, but I think it has something to do La Diabla (how’s that Jon?) trying to understand the American ways. There was a top 10 poll recently on the Sexiest Bodies in the World. I couldn’t help but to think it was completely wrong. They must have surveyed all chicks, or people from 5 years ago. I showed it to my friend, Christian, and he laughed in its face. He then set it on fire, and started cursing the skies. It was fucked up, but warranted. It’s time to update it. First, I’ll give you the Glamour list, and then I’ll give you Christian and I’s conversation.
Worst List Ever
1. Scarlett Johansson
2. Jessica Alba
3. Gisele Bundchen
4. Jennifer Aniston
5. Angelina Jolie
6. Mischa Barton
7. Rachel Bilson
8. Beyonce
9. Jennifer Lopez
10. Kelly Brook
Here we go…
10. April Scott
9. Eva Longoria
8. Kate Beckinsale
7. Elisha Cuthbert
6. Vanessa Marcil
5. Evangeline Lilly
4. Halle Berry
3. Adriana Lima
2. Rachel Bilson
1. Marisa Miller
And here’s how we came about the decisions…
Toph
11:05
Hey
Where you at?
Christian
11:06
I’m here
Toph
11:06
Sweet… okay. Let’s start at number 10.
We’re excluding porn chicks, by the way…
no raven or kate… it’s just not fair
Christian
11:07
true
Ok.
Number ten…
Toph
11:08
April Scott is amazing
Christian
11:09
Not famous enough
Don’t even know who she is
Toph
11:09
do they have to be famous? you didn’t know kelly brook… it’s hottest body in the world competition.
Christian
11:09
oh…right
How about Biel?
Toph
11:10
she’s awfully manish… but she is tight
Christian
11:10
Her shit is really tight
Toph
11:11
Okay… we’ll pencil her in for 10
Christian
11:12
Vanessa Marcil might be good on the lower half, too
Toph
11:12
Yeah, but 9 is kind of mean, isn’t it?
Christian
11:12
is it?
Toph
11:12
I was looking at Eva
Christian
11:13
I like that pic
Toph
11:13
which one?
Christian
11:14
I meant “pick” not “pic”
Toph
11:14
oh… eva it is
Alright… number 8
you know whose body is amazing… kate beckinsale… plus, she’s british
makes it “worldy”
Christian
11:15
ehhhhh
Toph
11:15
she was the vampire chick…
Christian
11:16
Ok..that picture works for me
Toph
11:16
hahaha…
moving on to #7
Christian
11:18
#7
Halle Berry needs to be in here somewhere
Toph
11:18
as number 7?
Christian
11:18
Well, you’re saving all these top spots…and we’re going to run out of places
Toph
11:19
we have lima, miller, bilson, ambrosio… we have room
even jenn sterger from SI
Christian
11:20
I don’t like Ambrosio
Toph
11:20
jessica alba
Christian
11:20
She’s number 11
Toph
11:20
hahaha
hottest bodies!
Christian
11:20
aka….not on the list
Toph
11:20
sophia bush
Christian
11:21
what about dudes?!?!?!
Toph
11:20
you’re killing me…
Christian
11:22
Doesn’t Alyssa Milano make it in?
Toph
11:22
we’ll see… it’s lunch time.
Christian
2:44
sup
so, funny you bastards walked by when you did
Toph
2:44
yeah?
where were you going?
Christian
2:45
interview
Toph
2:45
with wells fargo?
Christian
2:45
I was on a phone interview, going to another interview
yahoo again
Toph
2:45
i’m glad we walked by calling you a fucker. must have been sweet for the interview.
Christian
2:46
i know, thanks for that.
And I wanted to stop and chat with you and then all of a sudden I remember that I was listening to someone talk on the phone who I was supposed to be interviewing with
Toph
2:47
i kept telling them that i thought you were on a phone interview…
Christian
2:47
i totally was
Toph
2:47
sweet… we sound like fucking girls… Let’s finish the list…
where were we?
Christian
2:48
7
Toph
2:48
okay…
10. jessica beil
9. eva longoria
8. kate beckinsale
Christian
2:49
who is growing on me, by the way
Toph
2:49
she’s really hot
did you see click?
Christian
2:50
yup
Toph
2:50
she was so hot in that
Christian
2:50
yes she was
Anywho
Elisha Cuthbert?
Toph
2:52
so, for 7, i’m looking at X-tina, Milano…
but, she’s good
Christian
2:52
Milano/Xtina is good
Not sure which
Milano might be getting old, though I hate to say it
But Xtina’s kind of gross looking sometimes
Toph
2:52
yeah… and her stomach looked off in that bikini photo
she is…
i’m thinking we go with cuthbert
Christian
2:53
done
Plus, she’s banging a hockey player…that puck-fucker’s gotta keep her in shape
Toph
2:53
it’s true… even without teeth
and that scene from old school… so good
Christian
2:53
precisely… i got boners
Christian
2:53
#6
Jaime Pressly?
Toph
2:54
for number 6?
Christian
2:54
Or can we not do her because she’s preggers
Toph
2:54
you don’t want her #1 then?
Christian
2:54
no way, Jose
She’s not #1
Toph
2:54
even if she’s preggers?
Christian
2:55
That’s personal preference. I’m trying to be objective
Toph
2:55
Right…
Christian
2:55
Can Simpson be on the list, based on tits alone?
Toph
2:55
maybe… she’s gotten fat since john mayer.
we could go with vanessa marcil or penelope cruz…
Christian
2:56
No Penelope
She’s too on and off again
Toph
2:56
fine
Christian
2:56
Marcil it is
Toph
2:56
and her name sucks
penelope?
that’s just stupid
Christian
2:56
Maybe not…
Don’t you think it would be fun to say you were banging a chick named Penelope in real life?
Toph
2:57
not penelope ann miller
Christian
2:57
Toph, I’m fucking this incredibly hot chick right now
Oh yeah?
Yeah- get this- her name’s PENELOPE
that shit’s hot
Toph
2:57
Penelope ann miller?
Christian
2:57
Ann Miller is a hot name, too
Toph
2:57
she was amazing in kindergarden cop
Christian
2:57
So was Arnold
Can he be #1?
Toph
2:58
the phamp video alone
i mean, shit
Christian
2:58
That would be really funny if he was our number one
3. Adriana Lima
2. Marissa miller
1. THE GOVERNATOR?
Toph
2:58
ummm…
let’s get through 5
Christian
2:59
ok
sorry
Toph
2:59
we’ll see…
Christian
2:59
So 6…Vanessa
5?
Toph
2:59
right
Christian
2:59
Halle Berry?
Toph
2:59
thinking….
yes
google that
3:00
Toph
3:00
did you see her in boomerang?
so good
Christian
3:01
yeah, man. I love her thighs
Toph
3:02
okay… #4
Christian
3:02
shit
this gets tough
Toph
3:03
yes it does…
Christian
3:03
Marissa/Lima/ who else is in the running for tops?
Toph
3:04
lima, miller, alba, aniston
Christian
3:04
Aniston doesn’t get it
Toph
3:04
not even with her nips?
Christian
3:04
I don’t think her shit’s that tight anymore
I’ve never seen her nips
Toph
3:05
not even in every friends episode?
Christian
3:05
I just saw the roundness of her nobs…never the actual nip presentation
Toph
3:05
demoted!!! she’s out
i think jenn sterger should be in here
Christian
3:06
I can’t get with you on the Sterger thing
What about Scarlett?
Toph
3:06
she’s just boobs
Christian
3:06
the problem with that is?
Toph
3:06
it’s hottest body…
head to toe
Christian
3:07
I can’t do it
Sterger just isn’t there
Toph
3:07
okay
jessica alba?
Christian
3:07
Bruce says he would jam her hard
Toph
3:07
which one?
Christian
3:07
Alba
Toph
3:07
who wouldn’t bruce jam hard?
Christian
3:08
he likes that one
Toph
3:08
alba as 4?
Christian
3:08
ok
She’s gone flat though
Toph
3:09
flat?
Christian
3:09
She’s losing her edge
She used to be so voloptuous
now she’s tapering off
Toph
3:09
have you seen the trailer from her new movie?
you hate evangeline lilly don’t you?
Christian
3:11
Bruce just mentioned her
Toph
3:12
i’m sold her for the 4 spot
Christian
3:12
Who’s THAT?
Toph
3:12
evangeline lilly
Christian
3:12
NO!
Toph
3:12
no??
Christian
3:12
It doesn’t even look like her
Toph
3:13
yes it does
Christian
3:13
I’ll go with it
I love her tanned, with wet hair and freckles
Toph
3:13
done
and she canadian… so we’re worldly…
Top 3
Christian
3:14
Raven Riley, Raven Riley, Raven Riley
Toph
3:14
and kate
Christian
3:14
Raven, Kate, Raven and Kate
I say Marissa is 1, Lima is 2, and I don’t know about three
Toph
3:15
lima 3
Christian
3:16
Ok
2?
Toph
3:16
number 2
Christian
3:17
Natalie Imbruglia?
Toph
3:17
Courtney love?
Christian
3:17
Vanessa Rabbit?
Toph
3:18
Jessica Rabbit?
Christian
3:18
fuck
didn’t sound right when it came out
Vanessa Rabbit is her hot cousin
Toph
3:19
with blonde hair?
have you seen Kelly Hu?
Christian
3:19
No
Toph
3:20
no you haven’t seen her… or no!!!
Christian
3:21
You know, I like her
But she doesn’t have the second hottest body in all of the world
Toph
3:21
ummm…
okay
Christian
3:21
Can I vote Toph?
Toph
3:21
it’s a given
Christian
3:22
Roy Hibbert?
Toph
3:22
Imus
Christian
3:22
done
Toph
3:23
Bilson
Christian
3:23
Done
Shit
Toph
3:23
Miller for 1
Christian
3:23
Ok, if Marissa Miller is 1
Can Wes Welker be 1a?
Toph
3:23
in my heart
alright…
let’s double check…
10) Jessica Beil
9) Eva Longoria
8) Kate Beckinsale
7) Elisha Cuthbert
6) Vanessa Marcil
5) Halle Berry
4) Evangeline Lilly
3) Adriana Lima
2) Rachel Bilson
1) Marisa Miller
i could trade jessica beil for kelly hu
OR…
Jarah Mariano… the new VS model…
Christian
3:28
Halle Berry needs to be above Evangeline
And I’m willing to trade Biel out if you are…for alba or Kelly hu
Toph
3:28
okay…
but…
isn’t jessica alba and eva longoria besically the same person?
Christian
3:29
Not at all
Longoria’s better for my tastes because she’s little
Toph
3:30
let’s go kelly hu then eva
Christian
3:31
deal
Toph
3:31
halle berry at 4? and you said no to this girl? http://www.aprilscott.com/gallery/
are you sure?
Christian
4:31
holy moley
she’s like Josie Maran, but hotter
Toph
4:32
and bigger boobs
and younger
Toph
4:32
i think she should replace cuthbert
Christian
4:34
NO!
I love Elisha
Toph
4:34
she must be on the list
Christian
4:35
11
Toph
4:35
we could bump kelly hu…
that takes out our asian flavor…
which will piss off ray
but he moved to hawaii today, so he gets no say!
Christian
3:33
Do it… I may need some alone time in the bathroom for her. Dear god. Wait, when did the Patriots get Sammy Morris from the dolphins?
Toph
3:34
no idea…
where’d you see that?
Christian
3:35
I’m reading an issue of Sports Illustrated that Dan brought me on my bday
i’m REALLY busy today
Toph
3:35
I see that
have you seen the trailer for the american idol girl sex tape? It’s not safe for work. Maybe not safe for home.
Christian
3:36
YES!
Can’t wait
Toph
3:37
how did she not win?
should she be added as #1
Christian
3:40
She’s an asterisk
Toph
3:40
I love sex tapes so much.
Christian
3:40
I know you do…
Christian
3:55
I feel like there should have been more arguments and jockeying for position
Toph
3:56
we did agree on a lot
Christian
3:56
especially for two kids that have opposite appreciation of women
Toph
3:56
right
Christian
3:56
perhaps we just both appreciate the intrinsic beauty of both
Toph
3:56
that’s what i was hoping for
Christian
3:57
Not bad for the first Tang debate though.
Toph
3:57
i can’t say that i’m not impressed…
Christian
3:57
i want to sex all of them
Toph
3:58
and with time we will…
Christian
3:58
I gotta shit now.
Toph
3:58
wipe hard…
Christian
3:58
we’ll see…
My favorite part was the 3 hour lunch. Anyhow, there you go. That’s how two dudes figure out who has the hottest body in the world. Fuck you, Glamour Magazine.
1 Comment
May 15, 2007 at 5:59 pm
[...] Jessica Alba make me so happy. As you know, I am under the opinion that she has lost a bit in the hottness factor, but you be the [...]
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