Dirk, whud up, home slice? Here’s the deal, brother, my bachelor party is in a few short weeks, and since you’re not doing anything you should just come along. We’re all flying out to Tijuana San Diego, for some beer and ladies. Of course, the ladies aren’t for me, Dirk. It’s my bachelor party, but Toph is a one man women, er… one woman man. But, Dirk, there will be plenty of booty all around, and they will be Latin. You heard correctly, brother. Latin booty is the best. Let’s be honest here, you’re pretty much known for drinking your life away. Hell, I’ve witnessed it first hand. Remember all those nights at the Loon? Wow, you were drunk. Well, we could do it all over again in sunny Tijuana San Diego. Ever since you screwed us out of seeing the Mavs win the Finals, you’ve been looking to blow off some steam, right? What’s better than a weekend away with your old pal, Toph? I don’t hold any grudges about the way you performed against the Warriors, or even against the Heat last year. And I definitely will not leave you in a random Mexican city to teach you a lesson. A lesson on courage, and getting back to the States alive. If you can do that Dirk, then you can definitely kick the shit out of Baron Davis’ beard. I’m just saying… So, Dirk, I hope you can make it. You have my email. I’ll talk with you soon, buddy. This time Dirk, why don’t you try being clutch.
P.S. You look sober.
8 Comments
May 30, 2007 at 7:35 pm
If he’s coming…he needs to get me $50 stat. I don’t need any…”Cuban’s check didn’t clear…but I’ll get it to you as soon as I can” excuses.
May 30, 2007 at 7:56 pm
you know how those germans are, though… all they do is make excuses.
May 30, 2007 at 9:40 pm
I see how it is.
It’s like that, huh, Toph?
Fucking Dirk?
Come on, man.
Like my half-Latin ass wouldn’t be just about the best copilot you could have during your little 3 day jaunt to San D..I mean Tijuana?
Do you know how many of those hookers I already know?
Shit, man, I could even give you a geographic description of the vaginal landscape down there.
And you want Dirk?
PUHHHHLease.
May 30, 2007 at 9:46 pm
Don’t be pissy with me, because A-Rod is hanging at strip clubs in Toronto, OK.
Trust me, the last thing you need is a trip to San Diego.
How about you turn this shit around and start producing some wins.
Jeets, you’re in last place. LAST PLACE?!?!?!
14.5 games back…
The last thing you need is a trip.
You better apologize right now, and stop being such an ass.
America needs you.
May 30, 2007 at 9:51 pm
Oh yeah, Toph, good points.
Like I need reminding that we’re 14.5 out of first.
Then again, it’s not like I’m hitting .350 with an OBP of .425. It’s not like I’m playing stellar defense while doing so. It’s not like anything I touch turns to fucking platinum.
Oh.
Oh wait…
Oh…YES IT IS!!!!
If you have a bone to pick, why don’t you pick ARod’s bone for him?
I’m busy succeeding over here while Mr. “I Make 7 million a year more than Jeets, the Team Leader” Rodriguez goes to friggin strip clubs with ugly bimbos.
You know, Toph…All I want is to be included.
And sometimes it hurts when you leave me out.
It hurts bad.
Make the pain go away, Toph. Make it go away with an invite to the time of my life…your B-Party.
May 30, 2007 at 9:57 pm
And you know what else?
How come you don’t have a “JEETS” category on the right hand side?
You’re seriously telling me that Ugly Betty and The Natural are more important?
Toph! I AM the fucking Natural! That movie was based off my incredibly amicable and sexy persona.
Get with the program.
May 30, 2007 at 9:57 pm
JEETS!
Won’t you be in Pittsburgh?
And, I didn’t know you needed a special invite.
I hate how sensitive you are. How many times have we been through this?
What’s mine is yours, and yours is yours. I do feel like I am getting the short end, but whatev, you’s my boy.
By the way… those numbers gave me multiple boners.
You’re #1 in fantasy team, and #1 in heart.
May 30, 2007 at 10:23 pm
That’s better.
And I’m sorry.
I just get really jealous really easily.
I mean, after all, you’re a bigger catch than Posada’s on my relay throw to win the series.
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